Herrn Kukas Empfehlungen (2008)

From an early age, young Pole Waldemar has dreamed of seeing the world. For now, he wants to spend the summer in the West. His well-traveled neighbor Kuka, who has worked as a seasonal laborer in various Western countries, recommends a trip to Vienna and gives him tips for his stay there. His first rule is: “It doesn’t matter where you go, because the West is everywhere; what matters is how you come back.” His second lesson, which he explains at great length, culminates in the wisdom: “Western shit and Eastern shit are identical.” He then goes on at length about why Waldemar must never admit that he comes from Poland, even if he is tortured, and declares this his third lesson. As for Vienna, Mr. Kuka remarks that two million museum attendants live crammed together there and talk about death all the time. But the city has not only suicides; it also has plenty of delicacies, such as the pastry called “Lippizaner,” and, of course, sights to see. By sheer coincidence, he knows someone with an excellent bus company that can take Waldemar to Vienna. But Mr. Kuka’s recommendations prove not to be particularly useful. Even on the bus ride to Vienna, Waldemar begins to doubt whether reality matches what Mr. Kuka has recommended. The bus he is traveling on does not look very reassuring, and the passengers seem nothing like ordinary tourists. They appear to be concerned solely with smuggling large quantities of cigarettes, sausages, and vodka across the border. At last, on arriving in Vienna, Waldemar discovers that Mr. Kuka has used him to smuggle a valuable coin across the border into the West. The “Four Seasons” hotel he was recommended turns out to be a park bench overlooking the Belvedere Schlosspark Hotel. But Waldemar is not put off, even when money problems lead him to the laborers’ hiring strip, where, to make matters worse, he is also swindled by his fellow Poles. More troubling is the matter of the woman his buddies offer him as a birthday present, without Waldemar initially realizing what is going on. They have written their congratulations on her back in ballpoint pen. When Waldemar meets Lothar, a former German pianist and petty criminal who considers himself a modern-day Robin Hood, Lothar tries to talk him into robbing a bank. Waldemar takes that in stride too, while remaining curious and displaying his characteristic naivety, a certain audacity, and a touch of charm. He sees everything that happens to him as an adventure offered up by life and the city he is visiting. At some point, however, Waldemar begins to wonder what he came here for in the first place. He finds the answer in the form of a mysterious lover.