Man spricht deutsh (1988)

The film is about the vacation of the Bavarian Löffler family from Ampermoching in the fictional Italian resort town of Valcina Mare near Terracina on the Tyrrhenian Sea. They would like to enjoy their last day of vacation, but the sweltering heat, noise, clogged toilets, polluted beaches, and fear of car thieves make life difficult for them and for the rest of the German beach colony. The conventional parents, Irmgard and Erwin, and their spoiled, chubby son Heinz-Rüdiger caricature the stereotype of the German tourist abroad: they complain about the customs of their host country and, by and large, believe that Italy would be a beautiful country if it weren’t for the Italians. The “Poseidon platter” at the “Schwarzwaldgrotte” restaurant doesn’t taste good either, despite the waiters’ best efforts to speak German with the guests and the menu consisting mainly of German dishes. The account of the day’s events is interrupted by six intercut daydreams that poke fun at the main characters’ petit-bourgeois longings and fears. Each daydream begins with something that actually happens and ends in a nightmarish fashion, again through a real-life event (for example, an appropriate sound) that suddenly brings the dreamer back to reality. Erwin watches the tanned blonde beach beauty, Miss Häberle, applying suntan lotion. She asks him to help her and invites him to a nighttime rendezvous on the beach. There, she lures him into a stranger’s garden. Erwin follows, hesitantly and fearfully; when he finally comes closer, a light goes on in the house and a man carrying a rifle comes out, starts shouting angrily, and fires shots. Irmgard overhears a conversation between wealthy stock-market speculator Friedhelm Eigenbrodt and Dr. Amöbius. Eigenbrodt raves about his new villa, the “Casa Eigenbrodt,” and invites him over for a Campari. Irmgard assumes the invitation is meant for her, and they drive in Eigenbrodt’s convertible to his estate. Once there, he takes her around the house and shows her his alarm system, the “Camorra-Cracker,” which keeps going off with increasing frequency and volume. Some Italians are playing Frisbee. The disc hits Erwin. A young Italian woman retrieves the toy and apologizes at length, gazing deeply into Erwin’s eyes. He goes with her to a top-of-the-line luxury hotel where a night costs 600,000 lire. In the hotel’s restaurant, Erwin, beside himself with excitement about his new acquaintance, Violetta, orders a Jägermeister for each of them and “pizza with everything.” But there is no pizza at this “ristorante di categoria,” so he changes the order to “spaghetti with tomato sauce” and “a good red wine, a French one.” Suddenly, Dr. Wilms appears to use the toilet. Finally, Mrs. Endress also turns up and asks after Erwin’s wife, disrupting the idyll. Loud digestive noises bring the dream to an end. A traveling beach vendor makes Irmgard a rather pushy offer of beach dresses. Mrs. Endress, however, thinks one of the dresses is extremely chic and encourages Irmgard to buy it. The owner of the beach kiosk joins in. He invites her to take part in the “Miss Paradiso” pageant at an elegant beach hotel. Irmgard is very embarrassed at first and resists, but then gets herself ready and wins the contest. As the applause for the winner rings out, the judges suddenly start shouting, “Take it off, take it off, take it off!” Irmgard wants to flee, but the Italians hold her back and begin tearing her clothes off. Irmgard sees a yacht’s dinghy approaching the beach. The person aboard waves, Irmgard waves back, and a Mr. von Bronstedt, who recognizes her as the “captivating Miss Paradiso,” invites her to go for a ride. A conversation about the beauty of the sea and Italian culture leads to the observation that “this gifted people is incapable of dealing with sourdough,” and that they are thoroughly tired of this endless white bread. Von Bronstedt promises Irmgard a special treat: he asks her to close her eyes and lets her smell some “Franconian homemade liverwurst.” Erwin and Irmgard argue and accuse each other of being responsible for losing the car key. They are both completely distraught, since this means they may not get home on time. Erwin goes to the car and sees a little boy scratching the paintwork with the key, sticking his tongue out at him, and running away. He chases the boy and has to watch as another Italian gets into his car and drives off. A wild chase through the narrow streets of a typical Italian old town begins. When Erwin finally catches the boy, Italians pour out of the houses, attack him, snatch the screaming child away from him, and take some of his valuables as well. Erwin calls for the police. They arrive and demand, “passaporto documenti.” He insists that this child has “robbed me and totally cleaned me out”: “Io Tedesco!” Finally, Erwin’s handcuffs click shut. In reality, the beach attendant takes him by the wrist and points out the little boy standing in front of him, who has found the key. Another recurring motif is the beach and water being contaminated with plastic, excrement, or animal remains. For example, Heinz-Rüdiger finds something several times and shows it to his parents, which always frightens his mother, who cleans his hands with hygiene wipes. In the end, though, the Löfflers are once again so content and happy that they decide to come back next year.