Mezzo destro, mezzo sinistro (1985)

Andrea Margheritoni is a veteran star of Italian football nearing the end of his career, now playing in the American league. Just seconds after a match begins, he deliberately gets himself sent off so he can sleep with the referee’s wife, but he is caught and beaten up. Because of the incident, Andrea is forced to return to Italy ahead of schedule, where, with the help of footballer Gigi Cesarini, also nearing the end of his career and an old friend of his, he tries to get signed by Marchigiana, a cash-strapped newly promoted Serie A team looking for good players at low cost. Although he nearly causes the extremely stingy president to drown after the latter’s yacht breaks down, in a harebrained rescue attempt, Andrea is signed along with Felipe Gonçales, an unlikely Brazilian who is particularly attentive to the contract clauses (“esto no es contemplão in mio contratto” is his catchphrase), and the Dane Kèkkonen (whose surname gives away his homosexuality). The team is a disaster in the league, struggling to absorb coach Coligno’s tactics, which involve training to symphonic music, and Andrea’s performance is poor, as he has to devote all his energy to his relationship with the fiery Mirtilla, owner of the company sponsoring the team. Margheritoni scores a goal in a bizarre way that earns the team its first league victory, in Florence, but by the end of the first half of the season, with the team stuck in last place on just seven points, Coligno’s inevitable dismissal comes, and he is replaced by the extremely strict Argentinian coach Fulgencio. In his first match, Fulgencio secures an unexpected draw against the formidable Napoli side of Diego Armando Maradona and Bruno Giordano. The Argentinian coach decides to take the team to a training camp at a sanctuary from which escape is impossible. Gigi and Andrea try to flee, but Fulgencio catches them, benches them, and sidelines them in favor of Carlo Vacca, a young striker from the youth team who proves to be a formidable goalscorer. Even the ploy of arranging a nighttime tryst between Vacca and the passionate Mirtilla has no effect, so Margheritoni and Cesarini remain on the bench. Unexpectedly, however, Andrea gets the chance to redeem himself and win the heart of the beautiful journalist Daniela in a Mitropa Cup match in Germany. Coming on from the bench in place of Vacca (who is forced to fake an injury so he can “save himself” for the upcoming league matches), and further spurred on by the constant taunts of two German fans that wound his pride, Andrea leads the Italian team’s comeback by scoring two goals and clearing one off the line.