Nelken in Aspik (1976)

Wolfgang Schmidt works as an advertising illustrator at the House of Advertising. Although he is completely untalented as an artist, he can speak fluently and at great length, and is very active in social affairs. He enjoys making speeches, works as a soccer commentator in his spare time, and attends every training course he can. His personnel file is a large, bulging binder. Siegfried Huster, from the Central Office for Light Printed Matter, which oversees the House, is looking for a new employee for the Main Administration. Schmidt’s personnel file impresses him, and although the House of Advertising’s director, Comrade Kühn, tries to convince Huster that Schmidt is incompetent, Huster insists on meeting him in person. When Huster gives him a vigorous handshake, Schmidt clenches his teeth so hard that he loses a front tooth. Now prone to lisping, he remains silent in response to all of Huster’s questions and promptly gives the right answers. After work, he has to commentate at a soccer match. His idiosyncratic commentary and lisp rattle the goalkeeper, Dr. Jonas, so badly that Jonas not only lets in a rather absurd goal but is also sent off for verbal abuse. He swears revenge on Schmidt, and soon gets his chance when they meet again at the dentist’s—Schmidt as a patient and the goalkeeper as his dentist. To his great delight, the dentist sees in the X-ray that Schmidt had not only baby teeth and adult teeth, but also a few third teeth. Satisfied, he pulls Schmidt’s other front tooth as well, since otherwise the third teeth cannot come through, and prescribes a strict soft-food diet for the next six months. The psychiatrist, in turn, tells Schmidt that the best thing for his mental health would be for him to remain completely silent. Schmidt now grows a full beard and plans to take up fishing, when he receives the news that he has been promoted to deputy department head. Schmidt now involuntarily talks his way up the career ladder by staying silent. Thanks to an absurd stunt at a trade fair in San Francisco—his advertising equipment was sent to Tokyo, while the puppeteer Eberhard Kurz’s puppets ended up at his fair—he manages to sell thousands of Pittiplatsches and Sandmen. His sudden quietness leads people to assume he has made decisions that are actually a result of his silence, decisions Schmidt never intended to make. His reputation grows ever greater, and he and Comrade Cilly become a couple. Before long, Schmidt is acting director of the House of Advertising, but as his responsibilities continue to grow, he feels increasingly at a loss and helpless. On his psychiatrist’s advice, he proposes drastically streamlining the corporation’s administration. He intends to eliminate his own position in the process, but in the end he is appointed sole director general. Then comes his most radical decision: he orders all work to stop and has every advertising space belonging to the corporation painted white. The dismissal he hopes for never comes, because “White Advertising Week” attracts considerable public interest and makes Schmidt even more famous. He now reveals to Huster the real reason for his silence. He flees the city and wants to kill himself, but plans to be run over on a disused railway track. The next morning brings a great surprise: his third front teeth have finally come through, and he can speak again. Now, at last, comes the long-awaited decline of his career. Five years later, he is married to Cilly, and they have several children. Schmidt has finally found professional fulfillment: he works as a guide on city tours and can put his gift for speaking to use.