Seitenstechen (1985)

When Norbert and Monika wake up in bed one morning, Monika realizes that she has missed a riding lesson. In Monika’s presence, Norbert calls his former love, Ulla, pretending that he is talking to his parents. As soon as Norbert arrives at his workplace, a planning office, he gets a stitch in his side. His boss, Böhm, then seriously reprimands him for arriving late. Norbert openly tells him about his stomach complaints. Ulla, whose desk is opposite his, suggests that the four of them—Ulla, Monika, Otto, and Norbert—do something together. So the four go to Munich’s six-day bicycle race. At the snack bar, Norbert asks for sugar with his sausage, and when a pork knuckle is served afterward, he collapses in the restroom and perceives the colorful bustle in eerie tones. The next morning, Norbert goes to the doctor. At first the doctor can find nothing, but later he detects what he calls a muscle strain and also diagnoses Norbert with a blood-sedimentation rate like that of a woman during menstruation. That evening, Ulla visits Norbert and wants to sleep with him. His stomach begins to hurt, but Ulla does not take his pain seriously. The doctor now finds that the “strange thing” has grown, and Norbert is sent for an X-ray. The radiologists cannot determine anything definite either, so they send him for an ultrasound. The doctor there initially suspects that the machine is faulty, and the day after next he can hardly believe his eyes; Norbert is sent to the chief physician. The chief physician examines him from head to toe and diagnoses Norbert as pregnant: he is going to become a “mother.” The case is presented as a one-of-a-kind medical miracle. The chief physician also asks Norbert who the father is supposed to be, but Norbert has no real answer. He is more embarrassed than ever before. At a pub, he gets drunk and openly says that he is having a child, prompting the men to laugh uproariously. At the playground, Norbert turns his attention to the children. Back at home, Otto and Ulla visit him, and he confesses to them too that he is pregnant. They mock him as well. Norbert also admits to his affair with Ulla and throws Otto and Ulla out. The chief physician offers Norbert the option of having an abortion, but he refuses. Norbert now develops strange food cravings, and Monika starts trying to talk him out of them. During a walk in the park, he tells her that he is pregnant, but Monika reacts cruelly too. Back at home, dinner burns because Monika is jealous of Ulla, so the two go to a restaurant, where Norbert eats all the desserts. Meanwhile, Monika has undergone a thorough examination at the hospital, but it apparently turned up nothing. At Norbert’s next visit to the chief physician, when the subject of breastfeeding comes up, he admits that he does not even have chest hair for his child to eat. As his belly keeps growing, he gets himself a practical djellaba, which he now wears all the time. He has his small car modified so he can get in comfortably, then drives to northern Germany to visit his parents. They are delighted by his visit, but his father is not pleased with Norbert’s djellaba. Norbert first tells his father that he is pregnant, and finds the whole thing astonishing. At work, Boss Böhm is also displeased by Norbert’s clothes and asks him why he is wearing them. Norbert tells him to guess what is going on with him, and Böhm loses his patience and yells at him, while Norbert sits there sadly. On the bus, people tease Norbert about his clothes too. Monika first makes a final declaration of love to Norbert, but the next day she leaves him. Otto reconciles with Norbert, and Ulla has thrown Otto out as well. At the pub, Norbert meets a journalist who offers to make him famous as the world’s first male mother. Norbert then makes commercials and records songs. He appears on a television show, where Gottschalk interviews him as the host. Afterward, his colleagues honor him with gifts at work. When Norbert goes to the barber to get shaved, labor pains begin, and he is taken to the hospital, where a cesarean section is to be performed. But as soon as he is lying on the operating table, he wakes from his dream. Monika confesses to him that she is pregnant, while Norbert is still caught up in his dream.